Dear Help Desk,
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and
noticed that the new
program began "Unexpected Child Processing", which
took up a lot of space
and valuable resources. No mention of this
phenomenon was included in the
product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs
itself into all other
programs, and launches during system initialization,
where it monitors all
other system activity. Applications such as Poker
Night 10.3 and Beer Bash
2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected. I can not seem to
purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I've thought about
going back to Girlfriend
1.0, but "uninstall" does not work on this program.
Can you help me?

Chip Silicon


Dear Mr. Silicon,
This is a very common problem men complain about,
mostly due to a primary
misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend
1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the
idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES &
ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0
is an "OPERATING SYSTEM" and is designed by its
creator to run everything. It
is impossible to "uninstall", "delete" or "purge"
this program from the
system, once installed. You can not go back to
Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife
1.0 is not designed to do this. Some men have tried
to "install"
Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0, but end up with more
problems than original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child
Support". I recommend
you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0
installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding
"General Protection Faults (GPFs)". You must assume
all responsibility for
faults and problems which might occur. The best
course of action is to push
the "apologize" button, then "reset" as soon as
lock-up occurs. The system
will run smooth as long as you take the blame for
all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a
great program, but is very high maintenance.