Subject: Stages of life


*~THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE~*

   'AT'

    AGE            DRINK
    17              Beer
    25              Bourbon
    35              Vodka
    48              Double vodka
    66              Maalox

    AGE          SEDUCTION LINE
    17              "My parents are away for the weekend."
    25              "My girlfriend is away for the weekend."
    35              "My fiancee is away for the weekend."
    48              "My wife is away for the weekend"
    66              "My second wife is dead."

    AGE          FAVORITE SPORT
    17              Sex
    25              Sex
    35              Sex
    48              Sex
    66              Napping

    AGE          DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
    17              "Tongue."
    25              "Breakfast."
    35              "She didn't set back my therapy"
    48              "I didn't have to meet her kids."
    66              "Got home alive."

    AGE          FAVORITE FANTASY
    17              Getting to third
    25              Airplane sex
    35              Menage a trois
    48              Taking the company public
    66              Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

    AGE         WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
    17              25
    25              35
    35              48
    48              66
    66              17

    AGE         IDEAL DATE
    17            Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
    25            "Split the check before we go back to my place."
    35            "Just come over."
    48            "Just come over and cook."
    66            Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

             *~THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE~*

    AGE            DRINK
    17              Wine Coolers
    25              White wine
    35              Red wine
    48              Dom Perignon
    66              Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

    AGE          EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
    17              "Need to wash my hair."
    25              "Need to wash and condition my hair."
    35              "Need to color my hair."
    48              "Need to have Francois color my hair."
    66              "Need to have Francois color my wig."

    AGE          FAVORITE SPORT
    17              Shopping
    25              Shopping
    35              Shopping
    48              Shopping
    66              Shopping

    AGE          DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
    17              "Burger King."
    25              "Free meal."
    35              "A diamond."
    48              "A bigger diamond."
    66              "Home Alone."

    AGE         FAVORITE FANTASY
    17              Tall, dark and handsome
    25              Tall, dark and handsome with money
    35              Tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
    48              A man with hair
    66              A man

    AGE         WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
    17              17
    25              25
    35              35
    48              48
    66              66

    AGE            IDEAL DATE
    17              He offers to pay.
    25              He pays.
    35              He cooks breakfast the next morning.
    48              He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids.
    66              He can chew breakfast.